What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?

I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.

This is how, and why children get BPD.

He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!

Dermot Mulroney Files for Divorce From Prima Apollinaare After 14 Years - TMZ

Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.

Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.

But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!

Weekend Box Office: LILO & STITCH KO’s KARATE KID LEGENDS - boxofficepro.com

Would this be the day?

And who doesn’t know suffering?

But ive been too sick for many years..

What is the best sunscreen available for summers? My skin is oily.

As i do to all so called friends.?

Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!

He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .

Aubrey Anderson-Emmons cleverly comes out as bi with help from this 'Modern Family' scene - Yahoo

Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!

I did it because my mum asked me too!

Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.

Planetarium’s discovery about outer solar system shocks astronomers - South China Morning Post

And i lived it daily.

Its mostly always from childhood abuse .

As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.

What is a good way to conduct an interview?

I was scared of men, in general

The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..

Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.

What are Chinese hot pot restaurants? What do they serve, and why is it so popular in China?

My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.

But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!

Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!

5 takeaways from Seahawks organized team activities | Analysis - The Seattle Times

Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..

Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)

My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .

Jerome Powell’s Exit Leaves The Fed On An Uncertain Path - Seeking Alpha

You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .

You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.

I might have to go back 30 generations or more..

Measles strikes at birth: Six Canadian newborns infected from unvaccinated mothers - Times of India

The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,

Who then, do I blame.?

Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.

We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!

Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.

I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor

What did i know ?

19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.

I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.

I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.

The only rule us 5 kids had .

Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.

Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!

Put me off passion for life!!

My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.

I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.

And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.

His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.

As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!

Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t

I suffer greatly, because of BPD..

Was to survive, this bastard.

One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)

Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life

We all went to grammer schools

It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.

We were not on the streets..

He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!

We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.

Another so called friend had bit the dust..

But it wasn’t much.

And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!

My family never makes their pension either.

Ive learnt so much.

One cannot live in the past .

We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.

I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.

Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.

(And it was in our own minds.)

BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.

And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!

The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.

He was dying to do it , i knew.

So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.

And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!

Comes on , in middle age.

She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.

I know ,a lot about trauma.

I was very sick at this time too.

Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!

All the time i was locked up.

When she asked me how she looked .

And, all my friends down the years ,where users.

She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!

I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.

On the 31st of Jan this month .

My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!

I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)

At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.

She found it foreign!.

Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.

But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .

He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.

Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.

Where the ultimate outsiders.

We could never speak unless he spoke to us!

I have no regrets .

He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.

And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!

But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.

We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..

One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.

But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,

But im an empath, and i help lots of people.

She was a women, a mother with her own children!.

I was seconnd youngest,

I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .

I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers

Im dying but, im not bitter.

That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.

He knew the spot.

I could never make a relationship work though!

Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..

Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.

Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..

He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!

My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.

I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!

One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.

Thats was my nicest nick name for him

Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.

I was writing from the time i was a small child.

Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.

I write beautiful poetry .

She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!

She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!

He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.

My life is so biszare .

This is soul school!.

She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.

A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.

As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!

And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)

I couldn’t, believe it.

I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.

So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.

But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).

Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.

As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)

I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.

But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !

.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them

She married twice! .

Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other

One cannot hold on to bitterness.

I said to her

Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?

I of course replied” arh beautiful!

I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.

But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!

I don,t even have a pension.

I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.

Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.

Im still living with it.

My mum and dad in the seventies!

He resisted the act ,that day.

I was 9 years of age.

I never cut or harmed myself..

So, i spoilt her more .

Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.

I will be 64.

It was going to be , some day.

But, we were locked up after school.

He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!

She wouldn,t have been !

Why did i forgive my father ?

He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.

And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .

So whats the point in blame.

The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!

Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.

Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..

They are buried together, in the same grave..

But im dying ,and its too late for me.

Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.

She was in good health!

I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.

I had hoped to write a book about this .

I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.

I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!

Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.

My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.

With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.

Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years

Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.

He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!

His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!

They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?

When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!

Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.

He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.

As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.

She died at 55 of colon cancer.

For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)

I waited trembling.

I think the readers, may guess!

She loved him until the end.

5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.

Especially a lifetime of it.

It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.